gildamazing:

   The day after Gilda’s funeral I was going through drawers and found several sheets of colored construction paper, on which she had made a little drawing of her body and then asked herself questions. She wrote each question very clearly with her right hand and then, apparently, switched the pen to her left hand to scrawl out the answers … trying, I believe, to make contact with the child inside, without the adult Gilda censoring any of her feelings; as if she were holding the little Gilda in her arms and asking … why?

   Gilda showed me the little poem in May of 1989, three weeks before she died.

                                                                                              Gene Wilder

What are you?

I am your tummy-your stomach, your bowels

How do you feel?

I feel cramped and clogged-not relaxed-frightened. I hate everything that tries to go through me.

What caused you to feel this way?

I have always felt this way. Not relaxed. My mother made me feel that food wasn’t allowed inside. Now radiation has made my bowel all scarred.

How can I help you?

Help me to relax-to not make me afraide to eat.

You can eat. It is wonderful and nurturing.

No, cancer won’t let me eat. It hurts too much, or I am nauseous with fear or from treatments.

Is cancer your mother inside you?

She doesn’t want me to exist.

Well, get her out.

How?

By loving yourself-by becoming your own mother-only you can do that-love the little you-the baby, the women.

Can I cry? I miss my mommy.

Yes, cry-but not for long-you are inside you to love you deeply-to make up for all the lost love.

Please be consistent.

What would make you not afraid?

If someone could for sure tell me that everything was going to be O.K.

How can anyone ever know for sure?

Your parents could say it.

But did they really know for sure?

No! They were just making it up.

Well why don’t you make it up?

Everything is going to be O.K. Even though things seem difficult now they can’t turn out to be anything but O.K.

What if my hands and feet keep getting numb?

You will adjust. You will learn to live with whatever you are left with.