What I’m about to say I usually don’t out of fear of seeming like a creep or a weirdo or someone who is way too obsessed. But trust me, I’m thinking it all the time. Just to myself so no one can hear.
The truth is, I started feeling comfortable with the person that I am the moment that I learned about Gilda. Why? Because I feel like I share everything with this person that I’ve never met, both flaws and good things. And now when I do something that I consider “off the beaten path” or just downright different from other people, I feel like Gilda might’ve done the same thing and it makes me feel happy that somewhere out there once was a person who was just like me, my twin. And I no longer feel like I’m alone.
I’d hate to think about where I would be right now if I didn’t accidentally turn the TV on and catch the movie “It’s Always Something” ten years ago.
It wouldn’t be pretty or healthy.
I love you, Gilda, for existing. I just wish that I could’ve met you… to know for sure just how similar we really are. And I wish you could’ve been my mother instead of the broken mother situation I got with my mom. Tomorrow will be the second time that I’ve gone to your grave — and I have no desire to go to my own mother’s. I know, that also sounds insane… and what a fucking thing to admit publicly on Tumblr. But here it is, my deepest confessions.